When I travel here I don't miss my bed

                I was traveling this last week and during my travels (which I’ll Blog about as well)  I didn’t wish to be back in my own bed.  This is not because of the size of the room but rather the comfort of the mattress I sleep on.  I guess I figured they were all the same over here, boy was I wrong.  I have always been thankful for by bed at home.  In fact ever since law school when I got a new mattress that was pillow top I love just laying in my bed, and then about a year ago I bought a new Queen size bed that was pillow top and it was wonderful.  But that’s not to say that I can’t  sleep on other mattresses  I can.  During training I slept in a hotel for most of the time when we were in Charlottesville, and then in the Barracks during BOLC.  I can sleep other places but I do and have always appreciated my bed.  Now I appreciate it even more, but mostly I realized how much the mattress in my room really just sucks.  I slept in large room tents and right outside were the showers and toilets and the smell radiated through the tent, it was overwhelming, I slept better there than in my own room because the mattress is so uncomfortable.  That makes me miss my bed from home and so thankful for it, honestly I would be thankful for room on the floor to sleep on at this point.  So as soon as I came back to my camp I got online and ordered a mattress topper from amazon.com and I will be so thankful when it gets here, maybe then I will be able to sleep at night.

Standard of Care

                So this post is probably going to be a bit of a sour post.  But, I guess sometimes that is going to happen.  I posted before that I hadn’t been feeling well.  I had gotten sick to my stomach and just icky.  Well I got over that for the most part and was feeling better, then about two nights ago I just started feeling bad again.  I was stuffed up, coughing and my throat was scratchy.  In addition, my eye would not stop watering.  I figured it was just sinus stuff and it would pass.  I still think it is just sinus stuff and will pass.   Yesterday I was feeling so bad, that I went back to my room after lunch and I went to sleep, I woke up got some dinner and then went back to sleep.  When I woke up this morning I still was not feeling great, although I was feeling better.  

       But, my eye would not stop watering and that was getting very annoying so I decided to go to the TMC (Troop Medical Clinic).  When I went in, the SPC behind the counter asked me what was wrong and I told her my eye will not stop watering and I am congested.  She responded with “well you can go to optometry, otherwise I’m not sure what you want."  I was taken a back, excuse me, what I want is medical care, some assistance and perhaps some medicine.  But nope she told me to go to optometry. 

      So I walked around the corner to optometry.  When I got there the guy behind the counter wasn't wearing the standard uniform and had no visible identification.
   
            I told him what was wrong and he looked at me and said “ok."
            I responded this time with “I would like you to look at it and see if there is something wrong so that if there is I can get it taken care of.”

               “Oh, um, ok.  Well come on in and let me look.”  So he looked around and put some drops in and looked some more, put some more drops in and asked if that felt different to which I told him it did not and then he looked around some more.
                He then proceeded to tell me “You lied to me”
                “Excuse me” I responded.
     “Well I put numbing drops in your eye and you told me you didn’t feel any difference.  It’s ok everyone does it to try and prove us wrong.”  He then proceeded to tell me that I have a small scratch on my eye that should be gone with in 24 hours.  Then he asked me how long it had been feeling that way and I told him 24 hours. 

      He said, "oh, well, then it should heal in maybe 48 hours."  He didn’t tell me what to do, he didn’t give me anything.  He dismissed me with a "what are you worried about?"
Um, I don’t know infection, loss of vision, eye damage.   Seriously guy, you are the doctor I came to you for help.  He then said he didn’t waste his time putting that stuff in the computer, because it wasn’t really any big deal.  Except it is a big deal because if I get further eye injury my records should indicate when i came in and what I came in for, and the diagnosis.
      I don’t know if he was a doctor or not, but this was some of the poorest patient care I have ever received.  Really the whole experience was.  I didn’t lie to him about my eye not feeling any different, it didn’t.  Maybe if he had asked me how it was feeling he would have understood that there was a lot of pressure in my head so my eye was feeling pressure from behind.  Then he would have realized numbing the eye really wouldn’t have done anything to help that.  Perhaps if the SPC had simply listened to me rather than dismiss me at the TMC she would have realized that I had a fever last night and was feeling very congested.  And all and all what did I come out of there with, I have a scratch on my eye to which the guy at optometry said he wasn’t going to worry about entering it into the computer because it would take too much of his time. 

     I want to say, over all, this has not been my experience with military doctors, I have had actually relatively good experiences.  But this is ridiculous in my opinion, and this is par for the course, so I hear.  I was speaking to a civilian who is here, she had gone to the doctor here and they had sent her away three times saying she was fine, she was just adjusting to the new environment.  But she was not getting better so she went to the embassy doctor on another camp and that doctor listened to her and examined her and discovered that she had fluid in her lungs, he started her on antibiotics and put her on strict rest.  That is the care that we should be receiving, that is normal care, the doctor listens to the patient and examines them and then makes a treatment plan.  And is sure to put it in the records so that if she gets sick again someone can look it up and see what her history is.  Is that too much to expect?
There are a lot of things that can go wrong here and can go around and I would understand if there were a ton of people waiting for assistance waiting to get treatment and be seen.  Not that it is an excuse for poor care but simply that if they were busy there would be some kind of excuse, but this is just sheer laziness.  Shouldn’t people get better care than that, should soldiers who are facing a lot of different things here get better care than that?  Again, I am not generalizing on all Army Doctors because that is simply not the case, but here I am honestly not impressed, and I am saddened by the lack of dedication to care that these medical providers had today.  Maybe it was a bad day, maybe it was just the person I ended up talking with but either way I hope that the standard of care we provide our soldiers is better than that.  They deserve better than that.
     Sorry this is a negative one, I promise that won’t be the norm, but I just needed to share, if you pray, pray for the standard of medical care for Soldiers to improve.   And that  I won’t have reason to need to go back.

Finally Getting an Office

                So if you have read my blog at all you know that since being here at Camp Phoenix we have not had an office to work in.  There was some miscommunication and then some red tape and then delays.  So, from day one I have been searching for places to conduct some work.  It is difficult to conduct defense work public areas because it is hard to have confidential meetings with clients when there are people all around.  Needless to say, it has been less than desirable work atmosphere.  Most of my time was spent in the MWR library, there were comfortable couches and it was pretty quiet and I could get a pretty good (yet over-priced) internet connection on my personal computer so I sometimes had things to work on.  All in all we made the best of a bad situation and made it work.  But as a couple of weeks passed it was really wearing on me.  Trying to work, and fill my time when there was no office, no work email, no phones, it was difficult. 

Before furniture

The guy that is working in the office with me had to take a trip to another base and was gone for just over a week.  During that week a lot of stuff started happening.  I was able to talk to the Mayor Cell here and they finally were able to get the contractors to start the walls, since they were starting the walls I went to check on getting our computers, printers, and phones.  During the week I was able to establish phone lines, and computer access and get that set up in the office.  Once things started moving they seemed to move more quickly, which was nice.  It was discouraging not seeing things move, but was much better once I saw that once it all got started it wouldn’t take long to complete.  Finally, we had a building that resembled an office.  What a relief!

So now the we had an office space, with computers and phones but no furniture.  I had to decide, did I want to sit in the library with no access to anyone, or did I want to have access with no place to sit?  I chose access with my own space with no place to sit.  So for about 4 days I sat on the floor with my computer on my lap and the phone at my side to work.  I, with major help from a Master Sergeant here on base, was able to get the printers hooked up and working and the scanner function set up.  It felt good to be productive and have something accomplished.  I felt like I finally was going to be able to start fulfilling the purpose of why I came over here.

The saying ‘if you build it they will come’, that rings true when it comes to Trial Defense offices I have found.  Once I started getting equipment in the office people started coming.  I was happy to see faces but it was funny when I told them they had to sit on the floor.  I conducted several client conferences while sitting cross legged on the floor.  It was definitely an entertaining sight.  I figured, "see, I am getting the full deployment experience, making do with what you have to be sure that the mission gets accomplished."  It made me appreciate how easy it is for us to get what we need back home.  Currently, we have barely any office supplies but I do have nice furniture now, a chair to sit on, a desk to work on,  even a cabinet to hold my extra stuff (if I get any)  and a chair for my client to sit in so we can discuss the case.  No more Kum-ba-ya moments on the floor, although it did give them something to talk about other than whatever the circumstance they were going though that made them have to come see me.  A distraction can sometimes be nice.  It is definitely a different environment trying to set up and furnish and supply an office over here.  We still aren’t sure where we will get all our start up supplies but we will figure that out slowly as well.  For now we sometimes get a few things from the PX, they have a very limited selection really just printer paper, and then borrow stuff from other groups, until we are able to get our supply channels figured out.



Office After Furniture



I am relieved and thankful to finally have an office and a space to work in, it is so nice to be able to have a second space away from my room that I can relax a little in and have to kind of call mine.  I am lucky I know to be able to do that as there are a lot of people who share small areas or don’t even have a second place at all.  I think about some of the lower enlisted who are living in shared rooms or even shared 30 man tents, with a bunk and a wall locker to call their own, then they are the ones going out on patrols and running the convoys they don’t have any space to call really their own, no place to escape from their surroundings.  That has to be extremely difficult, I can’t even imagine.  Think about that, you have your house, or apartment and there may be others that live with you but there are times when you can go to a room and shut the door and you are alone, or you can decorate it just the way you want so that you feel comfortable in it.  These guys and gals they don’t have that, sometimes for a year or longer, they don’t have any place to just sit and think or be alone or have some privacy. 

I have a lot to be thankful for!

Some of my decorations so far can always use more

I Almost Forgot to Just be ME.

                So I have said this before, but one of the hardest parts about the way that I deployed is that I deployed as an individual not with a unit.  So I was coming over by myself.  Now, when I say by myself I wasn’t alone, there were a lot of other individual deployers as well, but none of them were going to the same place to work in the office with me, and I didn’t know them until I got to training at Fort Benning.  I was coming into this blind, I have never deployed before and although I have had friends who have you still don’t know what you need or what is going to happen till you get over there.  Also, none of my friends had done it alone, they had all gone with units, and therefore people they knew were going to be over there with them.  Needless to say, that has been the most scary part of this deployment--doing it alone.  I am coming around the world and I didn’t know anybody.  I came to a post and I didn’t know anyone here at all.

                As I stated in a pervious post, I was nervous at Fort Benning and then I met some great people and started spending time with them and had a pretty good time.  But then I got here, to Camp Phoenix, I had one guy that I met, the guy I am working with.  I met him during my travels to get here.  He was the only person I knew on the entire base.  Yikes!  For the first couple weeks I was nervous and a bit lonely not knowing anyone, I would smile at everyone, I always do and say hello, and every once in a while pick up a conversation with someone at the dining facility, but that was about it.  This is a small place and there is not a lot to do, and it is drab, there is no time or money to waste on decorations, it is about function.  It is sometimes kind of Blah and hohum (as my mom would say).  Although let me tell you when the skys clear and you look around the base and you see the snow capped mountains you see beauty, that is for sure.

                Anyway to the point of this post.  I was walking around being friendly enough but I wasn’t meeting people.  Now one thing I will say is that being a female you are more recognizable, not so much because people are looking for female but simply because there are fewer of us so someone may see me in the gym and recognize me more readily, if that makes sense.  So there are a few people who will stop and say hey, didn’t see you in the gym last night or something along those lines and we will have a casual conversation.  But what I forgot is that my mom always said I could talk to a brick wall.  And with my friends, if we were out and there were no table, they would send me to go ask if we could join a smaller group.  I can talk to just about anybody and I don’t care.  But I for some reason wasn’t doing that.  I had forgotten to just be me.

                Yesterday I realized this, I was sitting down for dinner and this group that work at the post office that I always smile and wave at came in to sit in the dining hall.  I smiled and waved, now I’ve seen this group several times, it is a small post you see a lot of the same people all the time, and I am observant, a people watcher.  One of the guys in the group is a civilian and a flirt, and the whole group seems like they give each other a hard time, goofing off and such.  I had spoken pleasantries to them all on several occasions and being me, even an occasional good humored hard time.  So last night when I saw this guy at the dining hall I said, “where are all your women, I’ve never seen you with only other guys.”  He got a kick out of it and we talked back and forth for a bit.  I then went and sat down by myself. Why? I don’t know.  Then a few of the others came in and one of the other guys was like why don’t you come sit with us.  Seemed obvious right, why didn’t I sit with them originally?  All I can say is I wasn’t being me, the me that is outgoing and willing to talk to anyone.  But last night that changed, because I realized that I wanted to be me, that I am good at being me.  Once I decided this, things changed, I was at the gym and I have a couple basketball games lined up, I went to the post office this morning, to pick some things up and have a great fun conversation and we are gonna have a movie night with the group. 

                Man, why wasn’t I me sooner?  It is not always going to be easy, people come and go as their time is up they move on and I’ll have to continue being that outgoing and there will be times that it is exhausting to do that.  But It is about being me, and when I am me, I am happier and being here is better!

So I decided to put some Pictures up



One of the many bunkers on the base



The view from my office looking down the alley, our office is at the end

This is what our office outside looks like after a light rain.

Looking down one of the roads on base

Looking out the back of my living quarters

Looking out the back of my living quarters again.

I picked up mail for our office for the first time!  Yeah Mail!!

Dining Hall Food

                So I miss food, not as much as I used to, or at least as I did the first couple of weeks, I think my taste buds are starting to forget the great food from home.  Three Cheese Stuffed Chicken, homemade pesto sause, party mashed potatoes, mom’s meat sauce, lagsana, white chicken chili, steak….Ok maybe not.  I do miss food, I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking, and baking and that has been hard because I can’t cook, I don’t even have a microwave to heat anything up in.  Sad times!

                Everyone tells me how lucky I am to be at Camp Phoenix, it has the best DFAC (dining facilities) in the army.  “They have Steak and Crab night.”  But I’m not a big sea food fan, now when I can see the sea, I will eat sea food, tends to be much better, but otherwise it is just not all that appealing to me.  And I love steak, but I like a steak cooked just right with the right seasonings on it, you know the kind juicy with a warm pink middle ummm makes my mouth water.  And mass cooked steak just doesn’t cut it for me.  So, surf and turf night doesn’t have the same appeal to me as it does to others, at least not right now.  Now I mean absolutely no disrespect, nothing I have eaten has tasted bad, but I’m just not a dinning hall kind of gal.  When I am walking through the line and have to point to what I want things just don’t look appetizing to me, plus all the smells run together and that doesn’t help me either especially if there is an overwhelming fish smell. 

Funny thing, growing up I had this friend who was a picky eater and she used to have the strangest combination of things on her plate I use to always wonder how can she eat only that.  Now, I have several times looked at my dinner and thought of her.  Don’t get me wrong I have found kind of my pattern.  On Sunday’s they have Mexican, which means in the evenings they have quesadillas which I enjoy.  Monday’s I often have a hot dog for lunch and they make grilled chicken breast for dinner so I get one and then make a grilled chicken salad, (they always have hot dog’s hamburgers, and grilled cheese, which I fall back on during the week some.)  Tuesdays in the center they have baked potatoes so for lunch and dinner I eat that, and so on.  I have found, for the most part, things I can enjoy, and one thing I am really enjoying is I eat the proper portions, I don’t have a lot of outside influence and a junk food around so I have lost some weight.

The dining facility here is very good, I’m just not a dining hall kind of gal.  I sure do miss GREAT FOOD and I miss cooking, I really miss the ability to cook even the simple stuff.  I am so thankful I have been able to work on my portion sizes though it is amazing the difference it makes when you are getting your own, and you don’t have to worry about what happens to the rest of the food because there are a thousand other people that are still going to eat it.  Don’t get me wrong some people come on deployment and they gain weight, that might be due to the Baskin Robin’s Ice cream and the desserts they serve.  I have figured this one out too.  I allow myself ice cream twice a week or so, days that I am not a huge fan of what’s on the menu, and I don’t sit in the same room as the dessert table, that way I don’t even see it.  So all that to say the food I’m sure is great just not really my cup of tea, I am really looking forward to some home cooked meals or restaurant cooked meals too for that matter.

Being Sick and Away is Not Much Fun

                When I am sick all I want to do is to be able to curl up in my bed, and lay and watch movies and have someone to whine to and someone to take care of me.  Too bad that hasn’t happened in several years but someone has always been a phone call away and I have always been surrounded by good friends who bring me Sprite and crackers or dinner or whatever I might need or want.  Here that is a totally different ball game. 

                Since getting to Afghanistan my  body has been doing some adjusting, my nose has been running a bit more and I have been coughing some, and it is a bit harder to breathe when working out.  All things that I expected, with the higher altitude and also the smog here.  But over the last couple days things were not getting better they were getting worse.  In fact one day I was in the gym and I was not feeling right at all, I did some sit-ups and push-ups and I went to run on the treadmill and my body did not feel right so I got off and went and sat on some benches for a while.  I thought the feeling would pass but when it didn’t I decided to call it a night and head back to my room.   When I got outside things did not get much better.  For one there are a lot of smells here, not so great smells and when your stomach is already upset trust me everything is about 100 times worse.  I only made it about 50 yards before I had to stop because I couldn’t walk any further.  Sure enough I got sick.  Uck!!!  So I stayed there for a minute but knew that I needed to get back toward my room.  Slowly, very slowly, stopping several times I made it back to my room, and when I opened the door to my hall I knew I couldn’t stay there very long.

                The hall that I live on has a very strong chemical odor, I think it is partially what they use to clean with and partially what they use to help keep the water clean, it is not a very good smell at all.  Even on good days for me that odor catches me off guard and usually makes me pause at the door for a moment.  This night I knew I wasn’t ready so I walked straight through the hall and out the back and I set out back  away from people until I felt like everything was completely done, like I could brave the hallway inside.   I came back into my room I layed on my bed and I did cry a little.  Because I didn’t feel well and I couldn’t do anything about it.  For the next couple days I took it easy, a nice perk of being here as TDS, and not having an office yet.  I slept a little later and I didn’t rush to get ready in the morning.  I also haven’t gone to the gym for a couple days to try and let my body rest (something I know that I will feel when I start again).  But I think my body is on the mend, slowly, not a quickly as I would like or as I think I normally get better but I know my body is still adjusting.

                I so just wanted to stay in bed and lie there then when I wanted to roll out, I wanted to get what I wanted to eat, whether that was a grilled cheese sandwich, or pasta with some parmesan cheese, or chicken noodle soup, whenever I wanted.  I couldn’t do that though because the place to get food has certain hours for cooking and certain menus each days, each meal.  It’s not like home. 

                Honestly though, I just kept thinking this sucks, being alone and no one checking on me to make sure I’m alright or see if I need anything.  And at night when I am lying alone in my bed I get a little sad.  But I couldn’t help thinking, I’ve been doing this for a while, the whole by myself thing, what about those that haven’t.  There are people who are here and it is their first time away from home, their first time not being taken care of and they are sleeping in a tent, with 50 other soldiers.  Man am I lucky!  Super lucky that when I am vulnerable and tired that I have my own room I can curl up in and be a little sad in.  So many don’t have that, and they have to suffer in silence.  They don’t have the luxury of calling home and just saying mom I don’t feel good and spending a while on the phone their mom telling them everything will be ok and just stay in bed for a couple days and take it easy.  Wow, it stinks to be sick in another country far away from the conveniences of home and the ability to call in sick and get the food you want to eat when you want to eat it.  But man I am so lucky, cause for me it is pretty easy here relative to where I am and others around me.  I thank God for that even in my sickness.