So I have said this before, but one of the hardest parts about the way that I deployed is that I deployed as an individual not with a unit. So I was coming over by myself. Now, when I say by myself I wasn’t alone, there were a lot of other individual deployers as well, but none of them were going to the same place to work in the office with me, and I didn’t know them until I got to training at Fort Benning. I was coming into this blind, I have never deployed before and although I have had friends who have you still don’t know what you need or what is going to happen till you get over there. Also, none of my friends had done it alone, they had all gone with units, and therefore people they knew were going to be over there with them. Needless to say, that has been the most scary part of this deployment--doing it alone. I am coming around the world and I didn’t know anybody. I came to a post and I didn’t know anyone here at all.
As I stated in a pervious post, I was nervous at Fort Benning and then I met some great people and started spending time with them and had a pretty good time. But then I got here, to Camp Phoenix, I had one guy that I met, the guy I am working with. I met him during my travels to get here. He was the only person I knew on the entire base. Yikes! For the first couple weeks I was nervous and a bit lonely not knowing anyone, I would smile at everyone, I always do and say hello, and every once in a while pick up a conversation with someone at the dining facility, but that was about it. This is a small place and there is not a lot to do, and it is drab, there is no time or money to waste on decorations, it is about function. It is sometimes kind of Blah and hohum (as my mom would say). Although let me tell you when the skys clear and you look around the base and you see the snow capped mountains you see beauty, that is for sure.
Anyway to the point of this post. I was walking around being friendly enough but I wasn’t meeting people. Now one thing I will say is that being a female you are more recognizable, not so much because people are looking for female but simply because there are fewer of us so someone may see me in the gym and recognize me more readily, if that makes sense. So there are a few people who will stop and say hey, didn’t see you in the gym last night or something along those lines and we will have a casual conversation. But what I forgot is that my mom always said I could talk to a brick wall. And with my friends, if we were out and there were no table, they would send me to go ask if we could join a smaller group. I can talk to just about anybody and I don’t care. But I for some reason wasn’t doing that. I had forgotten to just be me.
Yesterday I realized this, I was sitting down for dinner and this group that work at the post office that I always smile and wave at came in to sit in the dining hall. I smiled and waved, now I’ve seen this group several times, it is a small post you see a lot of the same people all the time, and I am observant, a people watcher. One of the guys in the group is a civilian and a flirt, and the whole group seems like they give each other a hard time, goofing off and such. I had spoken pleasantries to them all on several occasions and being me, even an occasional good humored hard time. So last night when I saw this guy at the dining hall I said, “where are all your women, I’ve never seen you with only other guys.” He got a kick out of it and we talked back and forth for a bit. I then went and sat down by myself. Why? I don’t know. Then a few of the others came in and one of the other guys was like why don’t you come sit with us. Seemed obvious right, why didn’t I sit with them originally? All I can say is I wasn’t being me, the me that is outgoing and willing to talk to anyone. But last night that changed, because I realized that I wanted to be me, that I am good at being me. Once I decided this, things changed, I was at the gym and I have a couple basketball games lined up, I went to the post office this morning, to pick some things up and have a great fun conversation and we are gonna have a movie night with the group.
Man, why wasn’t I me sooner? It is not always going to be easy, people come and go as their time is up they move on and I’ll have to continue being that outgoing and there will be times that it is exhausting to do that. But It is about being me, and when I am me, I am happier and being here is better!
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