Saturday, April 30, 2011

Couldn’t do it Without My Sisters

Today I want to say how thankful I am for my two sisters, without them I would truly be struggling.  We haven’t always seen eye to eye but we have always been there for each other and this is no exception.  They helped me since I’ve been here and they gave me the confidence and support before I left to know that I could do this.  My sisters and I are so different we have some good things in common but we are very different each unique in our own right.  Without them I would not be who I am today and there support and the little packages they send show how even though we are older and live far apart they still know me and know what little things to send to make me smile and give me something to do.

Like most family my sisters and I fought but we were always there for each other and we also always supported each other, without their support and our conversations growing up I wouldn’t have the confidence I do today.  So thank you for being such wonderful sisters even with our problems I wouldn’t trade either of you for the world.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thankfulness is uplifting!


   Been a couple of days since I posted, not because their aren’t things to be thankful for, just got busy and didn’t spend much time writing, well busy relative to what I have been so I got distracted.  My sister blogs and she schedules times during her day in order to be sure that she blogs, I think I should probably do that, that way I would makes sure to get something up every couple of days.  But don’t hold your breath, I am not a regimented person when it comes to stuff like that.  But anyway this is about what I am thankful for.

                I am thankful for being on a instillation with a lot of different nationalities, although for the most part we stick with our own country there are times where I have spoken to others.  Most recently I talked to a Soldier from Romania, he has a very interesting story and I am thankful for the opportunity to meet him.  Less than a year ago he was in a horrific plan crash where everyone else died, he was the only survivor.  All the others were from his unit as well.  After 3 months in the hospital with a broken back and a mess up leg he started to heal and he is here less than a year later.  I was humbled by his story.  Wow was all I could say.

                I am thankful for the nice weather, many of us have been reading the news and hearing reports of the horrible storms going through the South and are praying for the safety of loved ones and hope those who lost everything are getting the support they need to put their lives back together.  I am thankful that with the other things here to worry about we are not worried about those types of weather concerns.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Thankful for Today and Most days

Today and most days I am thankful for the internet, I have the ablitity to call my family and talk with them even with the great time differance and it is not overly expensive.  I mean I do pay a lot for internet and it is slow but it works and it is consistant and it gives me the ability to communicate with family and friends.  I can't imagine how this time would be without that ability!  So today I am thankful for the internet.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thankful for today

So I didn't get to post yesterday, mostly just poor planning on my part, I posted a couple weeks ago about my friend Laura who died, yesterday was her birthday, she was an avid runner and so a friend of her started a group and asked people to dedicate their miles in her honor.  It was a great way to honor her life, so I wanted to take part in that.  I am thankful for that opportunity.  It is those type of things that reminds you that this life is not about you it is about glorifying God and doing for others.  I know running may not really be doing anything for others but what it was, was a reminder of all that Laura did for others and how one life can touch so many.  That is a reminder that we all should have sometimes.  A reminder that no matter how small we think our contribution maybe, me just being a lawyer over here, our life can impact someone else’s so we should do our jobs live our lives to the fullest because you never know when it will be over and your life will make a difference to someone, your life is not trivial, no matter how trivial YOU think you are, You are not, not if you are living your life to the fullest and to serve others.

This brings me to what I am thankful for today!  I am thankful for the Risen son of God, Jesus.  I would be nothing without my faith.  I have from the beginning known that this is where I am suppose to be because of my faith.  There are many struggles and there are times I am in a funk, but that knowledge that peace of knowing I am still where I need to be has always been present.  “ And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this.” Ruth 14b.  That verse runs through my head constantly when I am struggling, it is a reminder that All things work for the good of those who love Him.  I am thankful for Christian mentors who help remind me and point me in the right direction, there is a lot of time to reflect on things here because you are isolated more alone.  I realize I need to force myself to be outwardly focused and give my struggles over to God, I am thankful I have the cross to turn to.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I am Thankful For Reminders From Home

Before I left I went to see my Grandpa and he gave me a two dollar bill, said that he was always told to carry it around for luck and he wanted to pass that along to me, so where ever I go I take that bill with me.  Please excuse the look we were in a tent in the middle of a sand storm.  A tent does not keep the sand out.  But it is a constant reminder of my family back home whom I love and miss.

This is my wall in my office, it is the cards and pictures my family and friends and others have sent, I plan on filling this wall.  I come into my office everyday and I am reminded how lucky I am to have people at home supporting and praying for me.  Getting a card or a note or a reminder really boosts my spirits because I remember I am not alone.  So today I am thankful for reminders from home!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Things to be Thankful For!

Things to be Thankful for!
So my sister did 30 days of thanks in November and I was thinking about that the other day as I was writing about being in a funk.  One way to get out of that funk is to look around and realize just how much I have to be thankful for.  So for the next while I am going to write one things a day (well I'm going to try a day but there might be times that I don't get it up here or that I don't have access to the internet)  that I am thankful for.  This will be things that I have here, not something that I don't have that I am reminded how much I'm thankful for that convenience at home but things that I am truly thankful for here.  Some times it might just be a short sentence or statement and others I might expand more it is all in if the mood hits me.  I'll put other posts in-between as well.  But I need to focus on the great things I have right here in front of me.

So to start things off, today I am thankful for in door plumbing.  Not everyone in country or even on this base can be thankful for that because some have to leave their buildings or huts to go to the bathroom.  Our office for instance doesn’t have plumbing so I have to go to the DFAC to use the restroom during the day.  But at night I don’t have to go outside to shower or use the bathroom.  If I come back after being exhausted from working out at the gym I don’t have to motivate myself to gather all my stuff and go outside to shower.  If I wake up in the middle of the night and need to go to the bathroom I don’t have to get everything together and walk outside I can just walk right down the hall.  It is a truly a blessing and honestly a luxury here.  So today my thing I am thankful for is bathrooms I don’t have to go outside to get to.

Starting to feel the deployment

So the last couple of weeks I have been in a funk, not depressed or down but just in a funk, a feeling that is hard to explain.  I have been getting into a groove with work well work because that is pretty much it, I guess working out too.  I have started to get my room, however small, to start feeling more like a home.  I still don’t sleep very well on account of the extremely uncomfortable bed, but even that is getting better (and hopefully the mattress topper I ordered will be here soon).  But I think that routine and lack of things to do has gotten me into a funk and I need to get out of it.  This funk, I am sure, is self-induced.  I stopped going to the gym for a while, partially because it was just one more thing I did by myself and partially because I was going into this funk I think.  And then I was in a holding pattern of getting up exhausted from a terrible night’s sleep, going to work not having a lot to do, eating lunch, then work, then dinner, then back to my room to watch some TV (well, really watch TV shows or movies).  Don’t get me wrong I enjoy some good movies thanks to some great people both here and back home I have a hard drive full and another one almost full of TV series and or movies.  Plus it doesn’t help that I eat the same things every week, I love food, and I love my staples but I also enjoy a variety every once in a while and that just doesn’t happen here.  That has been wearing on me.  But I am working on getting out of this funk.
First off, I am back in the gym and being typical me I have found some people to help me stay motivated.  One of the guys is leaving next week which stinks but the other will be here through Oct hopefully, and I’ll keep looking for others to help in this endeavor.  I am setting goals for myself.  I want to be in really great shape, that is a given, but more than that I want to create a routine that I can sustain even when I get home.  I don’t want to back slide and not stay in shape.  I have lost weight, in fact I had set a goal before I left and I have already met that goal much earlier than I expected which is good.   I am getting back into the gym.  I would love to run outside, but I typically don’t get out in the day and I’m not going to run at night, confined installation or not.
Second, I am going to hang outside more, get some sunlight and air (I would say fresh air but that isn’t really the truth.)  I realized the other day that I am always inside with no windows to speak of and no real relaxation time.  So I am going to sit outside.  I thought this would be a difficult task, because the only places to sit outside are the smoke areas and I can’t really stand sitting around smoke, that kind of defeats the purpose of sitting outside J  But I was talking to a guy in my office and he said that he had a camping chair he was going to get rid of.  I borrowed it from him, so now I have a folding camping chair in my room.  I am on the second floor of a building and there is a small porch so I have decided on Saturdays and Sundays I am going to spend a little time sitting out on the porch and reading or listening to music.  I’m going to be like the lady on your street who sits out and waves at all the cars (at least that’s what we do in a small town). 
Third, I’m going to write more, I find when I write things out and even just think about other things I’m not in so much of a funk.  So I will write more and it will be interesting to what comes of that.
And Finally, I am getting out there, I have been asked a few times to sing at the church service I attend.  This request honestly made and still makes me laugh, I am not a singer, but there are limited selections of people here and so I guess I must sound pretty good in comparison.  I must say this one even shocked me but I finally agreed to be a part of the praise group.  Too bad I didn’t keep up with my piano lessons growing up I could have just played Keyboard for them.  But I am singing, because I am going to get involved. 
I am going to really try and focus on the good and pull myself out of the funk by remembering why I am here, I know this is where I’m supposed to be it is just a matter of reminding myself of that daily and being here and being involved as much as I can.  I can’t throw myself into work, don’t get me wrong I have some work , but not enough to keep me busy even 8 hours of the day.
It is different being in a funk over here, and it is easier to get into one.  You have a bad day at work or have a problem with someone, you have to live, eat and sleep with them.  You have to be around work 7 days a week.  I have lost track of the days of the week sometimes because everything is the same.  When I was in the states, sure I got in funks or had bad days at work but then I just get away.  I would call a friend and go to dinner away, or just get in the car and take a drive.  Heck if it was too bad, I could just take a day or two off and just go hang out at my parents’ house even if I did have a long so I could be around family.  Here you can’t get away, you can’t just take a drive, so I need to find other ways of “getting away” and that is what I’m trying to do here, work with what I have to try and make things different every so often so I don’t get stuck in a groove that puts me back in a funk.  I am going to keep trying to meet new people.   It is difficult being an individual deployer but not impossible so I am going to keep making the best of it.  

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I Believe in Free Speech and will Defend your right BUT….

                So this morning I was woken up by the sound of an explosion and small arms fire coming in the not to far distance, but far enough to strain a bit to hear.  It was not the way I would ever like to be woken up.   I then waited and listened to the instructions from the loud speakers, and heard that we had been attacked, on the other side of camp at one of the gates.  It made the deployment real to me I think.  It reminded me why we are here.
I am proud of what I do, I am a lawyer and in the army, I am all about defending the constitution.  But, there has to be a point where before you do something you start to think about others, and how your actions will affect others.  We start learning from a young age that the older we get the more what we do will affect other people.  It is sad when people do all they can to get in the public eye to make sure that they get heard or seen, and yet don’t think about what others will do to get into the public eye to contrast what they are saying or doing. 
                Our base was attacked for the first time in over a year.  The Army stance is that there is no indication that it had to do with the burning of the Koran, but it came on the heels of an attack and death of UN employees and protests in Kandahar which were both in response to the burning that occurred in Florida, coupled with the fact that we haven’t been attacked in a year it seems an odd coincidence.  Soldiers got injured, luckily no was seriously hurt, and other people got killed because someone wanted to exercise their freedom of speech in the most public way possible, and what did he get out of it?  What was the purpose?  It just seems to me that you should have your speech for some purpose especially if you know it has the potential to insight riot.
                As I look back on this I wasn’t scared while we were being attacked, one it was one the other side of the camp from where I was and we have good people protecting us.  I didn’t panic, I didn’t get nervous, I just stayed alert and aware and I listened to what the instructions were and what was going on around me.  It was a reminder to me that I know I am where I am suppose to me.  God is in control and He is my protection. 
                I guess I’m writing this to say, I wish people would think before they speak especially in a public forum.  Try and think how your actions will affect others.  Because you are probably not the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences, someone else is and it might even get someone killed.  And what would it all be for, I hope it is worth it.

Losing a Friend

                It is never easy when someone dies, they are leaving a family behind and people that love them, even when they are nearing their time to die and have lived a long full life.  It is even harder, I think, to lose someone suddenly and unexpectedly when there isn’t that time to prepare and tell them everything you want to say and to thank them for all they have done for you.  I don’t know, maybe sometimes preparation makes it worse but in some ways it makes it better, because you don’t make plans to see them later because you know you won’t. 
                Last week while I was traveling I got some horrible news about a friend who was in the JAG Corps with me.  While on her honeymoon (after waiting over a year and a half to take it)  she was in a boating accident while sightseeing and died.  She had just gotten back from a year long deployment here in Afghanistan.  In fact, the day I landed in Afghanistan was the day she was leaving.  Our last exchange was about how we hoped to catch each other and that she was excited about going on her Honeymoon finally.
We had gone to the same JAOBC (army schooling with me).  She was a CPT (Captiain) in the Corps and she really did enjoy what she was doing, she enjoyed being in the Army.  She and I weren’t really great friends during JAOBC, we were friendly we just didn’t hang out all that much, but we met up again at one of the follow on courses and hung out a lot during that course and became friends.  We started exchanging emails and pleasantries about what each were up to and how things were going.  As I said, she had deployed to Afghanistan and when I found out I was coming here she contacted me and offered any assistance she could give.  We started messaging back and forth more frequently; she was answering all my questions and giving me advice.  She was helping me get prepared more than anyone else.  She, too, has deployed as an individual and so she was able to give me some pointers and insight about the deployment what to expect and what it was like, it was great especially getting a woman’s point of view on things. 
             Like I said sometimes when it happens suddenly you don’t get a chance to tell them everything you want to say.  I never got to tell her how helpful she was.  I said thank you but I didn’t know how much help she was until I really go here and started getting settled.  I was able to ask her those questions that seem stupid and petty that you don’t want to really ask for fear you might seem way to naive, but I could ask her and she never made me feel stupid.  Without her I wouldn’t have been half as prepared as I was for this deployment.  She was a true example of an Army Officer, a Judge Advocate and a friend.    She will truly be missed and I continue to pray for her husband and family.

Pictures from my Trip to Iraq



Cigar Lounge


Courthouse




Mosque across the street from the TDS office


This is the TDS office, a bit of a differance than our office here in Afghanistan

The Fish, they eat everything

Throne in the Palace

My Trip to Iraq

           So last week the Trial Defense Attorneys from the CENTCOM region (Iraq, Kuwait, and Afghanistan all gathered in Iraq for a conference.  I know most people go to conferences in Germany, or Tampa, or New York but I went to a conference in Iraq.  I must say it was interesting, the conference was good a lot of information on new developments in cases law and changes in Military Justice but it was also just interesting to see the other theater of operation.  This was probably my only chance to see Iraq at least during this operation because we are pulling out and shutting down bases over there by the time I get done with this deployment and have my dwell time in we won’t be deploying over there.  So for the military side of things, it was really cool to see and contrast the two places.  Trust me they are very different.  First of all we went to Camp Victory/Liberty (they are connected)  This was Sadam’s palace compound so there was a lot more infrastructure already in place than there is in Afghanistan to work with already, indoor plumbing, and already electricity.  So although there are port-a-potties around they are not the primary source of restroom facilities like they are here.  Second we have been there longer so we have had more time to build things up and make things more city like.  It was almost city like.  They had a bowling alley and a spa that would rival a good American spa.  They had stores that sold Coach (I’m sure they were fakes) and a grocery store that was clean.  They also had an electronics store that for some reason sold washer and dryers, I haven’t really figured that one out because base doesn’t have hook up for that sort of thing but the store was selling them.  I have seen best buys not stocked at well as this electronics store.  It was different.
           Some of the things that I noticed was that things were more spread out and there are benefits and detriments to that.  You don’t feel like you are right on top of each other and things are so packed together that it just gets dirty and muddy and nasty, but you couldn’t really just walk everywhere you needed to get to either. For instance there were only two females myself and another girl there, so we were staying across base, and had to be picked up and dropped off every morning and night, we couldn’t just walk to our room when we needed to.  (don’t feel bad for us though because we were in a two man chew (housing unit, really a conex converted into living quarters while all the guys were in one 20 man tent).  It was difficult though because things were much further apart then they are here in Afghanistan.  Each base here is a little different and some are much bigger than others.  I feel pretty lucky because I can walk everywhere in no time, but we don’t have as much stuff, and our PX Is not very big at all.  They even had a pool, and something comparable to a hotel for Soldiers to come while on pass and rest.  We stayed there a couple night which was nice, it was still several man rooms, but a nice break I guess.  The other thing is that it has lake front property!!
           Really almost all the offices are on the lakes.  This was Sadam’s Palace and he created a place that he could live in and enjoy.  So he created lakes and filled them from the Tigris and Euphrates rivers.  They really are beautiful, although I would never go swimming or wading in them, you never know what has been dumped in them.  Plus, there are some crazy carp in them that will eat anything and I do mean anything that is thrown to them.   The environment is just very different, the ratio of civilian contractors to military seems much more out of balance than here in Afghanistan.  Here we have several civilians but still predominately military.  And it is just plain bigger and easier to get to so they have more things there than Afghanistan.   Sometimes people lump the two operations together, I have in my head at times lumped the operations as one, but they are very different that is for sure.  Who we are fighting against what we are protecting and how we protect ourselves is completely different and that is strange and interesting to me.  Each place each thing it different, I was talking to another Judge Advocate who is on his first deployment and is stationed in Iraq.  I made a comment about how nice it was there and how it was a completely different environment and he responded with “it is a deployment, they are all the same”
“It is so not the same,”  was all that I could respond.  I have said this before and I am saying it again.  My job, sometimes I don’t even feel like I am deployed, because the type of work I do is the same.  When I go outside or my plywood walls of my office I obviously know I’m deployed but I don’t feel it all the time.  But there you could really almost forget for a while because you look around and you are in a place and on a lake with people fishing and hitting golf balls into the water.  Trust me the deployments are not the same, because they are not in the same place, just like my deployment experience is something completely different then someone in another job’s deployment.  I don’t do route clearing, or convoy operations, I may travel some from Camp to Camp but I have other people who are worried about protecting the convoy we are traveling in.  So no, every deployment is not the same and it is definitely not the same between Iraq and Afghanistan.
             Just as a side note, I understand that I was as one of the bigger bases, and that the outlying camps and FOBs in Iraq are not as nice.  So please understand that I am only comparing what I have seen I am not making a broad statement about all of Iraq.  I am also not saying that Iraq is not a difficult deployment, simply that it is different and I don’t think you can compare the two because they are different operations and different strategies are being used in both places.  The physical environment is different and that makes a difference.