While I was traveling I had high hopes of blogging about my travels and adventures but honestly I was so into just seeing the sights as well as relaxing that I didn't make the time. I read books and shopped and saw the sights I also enjoyed time with my family and my friend Amy.
Before I left my stomach was so messed up, I couldn't really eat, and things didn't digest well it was constantly in knots really is the best way to explain it. Even the first day of my r and r I was so stressed and worried and spun up about everything that I couldn't really enjoy not being in Afghanistan. Then I reminded myself that I wasn't in Afghanistan, and that I was away from all the mess that had occurred and was coming to a close as I was leaving. I reminded myself that I had a chance to walk away and leave it all behind for a couple weeks, and aside from a few emails that had to be sent that is exactly what I did.
I don't know if I can do all that good of a job describing what it is like after being I a war zone for over 6 months then walking away for a while, but I will try. I know I described some of this in a previous post but I am going to try and expand on it some.
First off it is a lot of the small things that really excited me. I didn't realize how much I really missed green grass and animals, and seeing kids playing and laughing. Although I could do with out the screaming kids on the plane. I saw trees and clean (for the most part) rivers and water ways and that was so nice. The last few days of my trip I sent hanging out with my friend who is station in Europe and the place she is staying had a pool so I spend three days just laying by the pool and enjoying jumping in or sticking my feet in and reading a book. It was honestly the small things, although don't get me wrong the big sights were pretty amazing too.
It was so nice to be around people who knew me before the deployment people that I wasn't meeting for the first time, I was able to spend time with my sisters who know me and my faults and just, for the most part, let me be me. Awe, finally some relaxation and the knots in my stomach started to come untied. I didn't have to worry about much of anything and it was so nice. I could just be me!
But that didn't mean it was always easy,there is still an adjustment, and I can believe even more of one if I had gone home instead of on a trip. First off I haven't had a whole lot of choice when it came to food each week our menu is basically the same, so I kind of forgot I could try new things. I know that sound strange but when you are forced in a rut it was difficult to kind of remind myself to not order a basic or a staple. Man though did I have some good food, I'm gonna miss the food.
I also kind of forgot what it was like to talk to people not about Afghanistan or life in Afghanistan. It was different for people not to look at me and know I am in the army or even that I am American. (often people would start speaking their native language and I would just act like I got what they were saying). It was also different being thrown back into civilian society with rude people who shove you and beg for money and get violent when you don't give them any. Dealing with people who feel entitled just because of who they are and have done nothing to earn it. It was different.
When my sisters were going to go through security and I began my long day at the airport waiting for my flight I was over come with a since of loneliness and homesickness that I haven't felt since really my first week in Afghanistan. I wanted nothing more than to get on the plane with them and go home to put this deployment behind me and move on. I missed them dearly in a way I hadn't missed them in several years. They were my connection to normal (because deployed life is far from normal everyday life). They were leaving to go on with their life and I felt like I was getting closer to going back to putting my life on hold again. Stopping everything again for the next 6 months.
Don't get me wrong the second part of my trip spending it with Amy was great and honestly something that I think helped a great deal transitioning back to deployment. But that is how I was feeling when they left. It was a terrible feeling.
I think that is enough for now but I will continue to update sharing stories from my trip as well as continued journeys of my deployment. Everyday I am learning knew things about myself and I am growing in respect for those that have families and children that they leave behind to serve their country.
-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Love ya kid. Hang in there. You have a lot of life waiting on the other side of this thing.
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